Game of two halves

I reckon I’ve got obedience tourettes - it started early and I blame Dr Seuss.

The cat rides in on one wheel, says come on kids lets play up.

Everything’s bent, no straight lines, and no sooner is he off - scott free it appears, than the Lorax steps out, taking on the man about his biggering.

Then we get the aspirational Star Bellied Sneetches and power tripping Yertle the Turtle. That stuff gets in.

Seuss got his sedition over the line with great verse and rhymes, fabulous cartoon pictures and the seuss suckerpunch - the story. The Dr is in.

These days I run my own small business, I’m the boss it’s only me, and I often don’t do what the boss wants.

This can present difficulties, and luckily I’ve a nice counsellor to have a cup of tea and a lie down with.

Yep the seeds were sown early, and it’s been a game of two halves since.

There’s me the pleaser, and then there’s me out riding the range, looking for opportunities to upturn the applecart, happy to take one for the team and shoot out my own tyres if that’s what it takes.

I honed my two faced craft in my 5 yrs as a high school student.

Such a masterclass in obedience, no shortage of material to work with there. Uniforms, straight lines, yelled at, gamed n’ groomed to the adults tune.

It never stacked up, nor did the doublespeak of ‘standards and high expectations’. Not today Josephine.

I can’t recall a penny-drop moment.

It was all just chasing the why, instinct and intellect putting two ticks in the margin, double entry bookkeeping.

In order to avoid the wreckers at an early age, I was covert, duplicitous and fleet footed. Making trouble is not all unicycles and larking about.

It can be lonely stressful work.

Occasionally there’s the odd other heretic for company, but sods law they come bruised and half broken. Pick your units and you’ll find the companionable spirit and sparring is worth the maintenance.

When I slipped into high school teaching at a young age, I immediately set to work.

“Kids, we’re being groomed to be obedient wage slaves – must do better, lets carve our own road – we all like a challenge; it can be done”

The can opener, worms everywhere, being glared at over the tea urn at interval.

Students could (a)discard my words and play the game, (b)play the game knowingly, effectively ‘game the game’, or (c)toss the lot and bail.

Cool, multichoice.

If you believe as I do that our young folk, their energy and challenge, are our best pitch for salvation, then it may make sense why I’m intent on being the fly in the ointment. The Principal wants to see me in his office again ?

Ah well it was a sequel anyway, Goneburger 2.

I’m still learning to sincerely feign sincerity, in order to roll with the days play.

Gaining one’s trust, only to then reveal your true colours, is a bit like being a Trojan virus. It’s a shitty trick.

But when you drill down to reveal the theft of our human story, it’s civic duty.

As welsh rockers the Manic Street Preachers bluntly put it, “if you tolerate this, your children will be next”.

With the onset of kids (sounds like a disease but it’s not), I’ve had to chill a bit, suck it up and put their food and shelter first.

Poor little bastards have had me in their ear for years now and carry their own obedience issues – so proud of them. “Clean your room ! …. Ahhhahaha“

Now they’re getting older and both less and more vulnerable,  I’ve the space to pick up with Dr Seuss again.

And for me, a bit more wear on the tread, it’s perfectly clear.

I’ll wilfully break the law if it doesn’t pass muster.

The last thing we currently need as humans is to salute the flag.

Breathe.

I now no longer see myself as in any way a heretic, or even heretic-lite.

I’ve decided I’m a Calvinist conservative - must change my facebook profile.

Took me a while to get this one.

The unchecked pirates that have raped and pillaged our social/economic/environmental construct, they’re the subversives, not me.

Though I accept I’m complicit.

Thieving bastards Europe set sail circa 16^th century to land grab the world, using galleons and cannons. ‘Do You have a Flag?’ as comedian Eddie Izzard jested.

It was going on for centuries b4 that, and it’s been all pies, fizzy drinks and diabetes at the tuck shop ever since.

There were more tricks to pull when I worked in establishment media.

I disappeared footage of cannon fodder humans coming unstuck, before it was used for national entertainment. Call it victim support.

And a colleague of mine disappeared hard drives full of that schlock working in TV. He was gone by lunchtime. Was thinking of nominating him for New Zealander of the Year.

For those of us good boys and girls who know all is not right but aren’t sure how to commence making trouble, a pointer.

Spot the crack, the tender or vulnerable spot – there’ll be one. 

Nip in with a wedge and you’ll be flipping the monopoly board over in no time. 

Be strong. You’ll take a few knocks but likely live to fight another day.                                                                                                                        

It can take energy working on the obstructors - the ones holding the line.

Their narrative substantiates what they believe and once they’re onto you undermining them, expect no mercy.

I’m not proud of my own behaviour at times – swing the compass on some days and apparent and magnetic north are way off.

Before I met my cup-of-tea-and-a-lie-down counsellor, I took LSD and sat in front of the mirror to discuss some of these calibration issues.

Ended in me taking a long shower and emptying a full bottle of flex balsam shampoo over my head while singing Thoroughgood’s ‘Bad to the Bone’.

Never been much hair on my head so there must have been some righteous cleansing to do that day.

Still, I’m certain I’m not a total shit ball.

I work to build and celebrate goodwill, humility, humanity and some treading lightly. I like hope, it’s a keeper.

Current bedside reading ?

John Raulston-Sauls ‘Voltaires Bastards’, Joseph Stiglitz’s ‘The Price of Inequality’, Welby Ings ‘Disobedient Teaching’, The Economist.

Historians, economists, educators, conservatives, thinkers and shakers … 
great dreams reading this stuff before lights out let me tell you.

If only I’d ease up and check out Brittany Spears cover feature in the Australian Woman's Weekly. Did you know she’s doing ok now Brittany ? Fired her manager dad, been through rehab, found Mr Right. Such a relief.

If I had one wish it’s that I was braver in my quest.

Conservative power and control must not have its way.

So no slouching, there’s work to do.

Anyone from Napier will know the large words etched in the concrete deco arch entrance to the soundshell, the ones the city’s fathers chose –

‘Courage is the thing: – all goes if courage goes’

My fellow trouble makers, that’s an ongoing call to civic duty.